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Author Topic: Returners  (Read 864 times)

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Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2017, 01:05:55 PM »
Thanks for your comments and suggestions, all.

I've lived on my own (by choice) for years and am pretty self sufficient - so I'm not lonely. I have a lot of expat friends here, and I go out visiting or for lunches/dinners quite a few times a week. It's also great having time to read and chill out - as housework doesn't really feature highly on my list of To Do's :).

But I miss things like the theatre and cultural events that I went to all the time in London - and pubs, I miss pubs! The bars here are still traditional enough that the men in them frown on a woman going in on her own, and I find they can be quite intimidating. I've also tried to see if there was any interest in various book/film/card clubs, but didn't get very far.

And I know this is utterly ridiculous but I miss going into a supermarket and getting whatever I want, regardless of time of year  ::).

I guess I had a (perhaps unrealistic) expectation of making Italian friends locally; and I honestly didn't clock just how patriarchal a society it is. Many of my expat friends have had much more welcoming experiences where they live than I have, but they are all couples, and we feel it comes down to single women being viewed as a threat. In fact, a woman I knew in London, who had lived in France for a few years, warned me that this might be the case, as it was for her - but of course I didn't listen  :-\. I've even asked my friend's Italian husband to spread the word in his bar that I don't want anyone's hubbies, and that I just want to make friends locally, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. I'm sure I'd be having a much better time if I lived in a bigger place, or had closer neighbours.

I'm having trouble with the extreme weather, and I'm also worried about getting older here and not having family/neighbour support if I fall ill - because there ain't no such thing as Social Services.

Anyhoo, I won't rush into a decision right now. There are times when I love it here - but those just aren't as often as I would like.

« Last Edit: August 08, 2017, 01:13:59 PM by Orbito »


Offline Cassius

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Re: Returners
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2017, 05:58:24 PM »
A lot of what Orbito says rings true to our circumstances too.  We had a commune that were NOT friendly or helpful.  We found that we were stared at - even after living here for a couple of years - not friendly stares either - we were just a bit too different for most of them.

Boredom - well that certainly was a big factor and like Orbito we came from London.  I missed the ballet and the opera so much and I agree - pubs - especially as in England it is no big deal for a woman to go for a drink alone.  I also miss department stores - just wandering around from floor to floor browsing and looking.

Orbito - good luck in the future whatever you do.


Offline Rustychain

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Re: Returners
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2017, 06:43:39 PM »
I don't quite get it; 2 of our posters have said how much they miss the ballet & the opera because of living in Abruzzo... they do do those things in Italy you know! ;D

OK, so it might be a bit more of an effort than hopping on the Tube if you've come from London, but make an event of it; go to Rome / Milan / Verona for a night or two & get your fix that way. If these things are important in your life, just make a bit of an effort.

Or am I missing something?
In Abruzzo since March 2013

Offline herbfinder

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Re: Returners
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2017, 07:05:19 PM »
Just to let you know, Chieti has a great theatre called Marrucino where my wife and I saw a great version of Tosca last year. They do a season each year with 3 operas and also ballet and more modern music. Its a super night out which compares very well with a visit to any theatre in London, and we should know we come from London.

Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2017, 08:17:12 PM »
Thanks Cassius - and to all others who have pm'd me and wished me well. This isn't a decision I'm taking lightly but as someone said earlier, if it's not working, it's not working. Onwards and upwards.

Or am I missing something?

Appreciate your comments Rusty and Herbfinder - yes of course there are cultural events around the place here - in fact I went to a very enjoyable performance of Madama Butterfly here in Castel Frentano two nights ago. Perhaps it would help if my comment was seen, not in isolation, but more feeding into a bigger picture as just one of many things that I miss.

The other clincher is that I'm running short of dosh (unplanned issues beyond my control, some of which have come to a head today and require a quicker move back than I'd anticipated) - so it's time to go back and find a job. Oh joy.

I've never had a 'holiday' like it, it has been amazing living here in many respects. I've learned many things about Abruzzese life and about myself, and I will look back on the experience with much fondness.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 08:22:29 PM by Orbito »

Offline levissima

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Re: Returners
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2017, 08:44:53 PM »
whatever happens, I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

No experience is ever wasted and spending time living in another country will, no doubt, equip you with lots of useful skills for a future employer. 😉 Good luck

Offline Cassius

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Re: Returners
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2017, 09:53:04 PM »
I don't quite get it; 2 of our posters have said how much they miss the ballet & the opera because of living in Abruzzo... they do do those things in Italy you know! ;D

OK, so it might be a bit more of an effort than hopping on the Tube if you've come from London, but make an event of it; go to Rome / Milan / Verona for a night or two & get your fix that way. If these things are important in your life, just make a bit of an effort.

Or am I missing something?

Well - as Orbital said - only one thing of many - but if you are in London you can go to the ROH for about 10 if you book ahead - whereas a trip to Rome/Milan/Verona is just that - a big trip.  I was going to ROH once a fortnight or so. 

Offline Vignaverde

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Re: Returners
« Reply #22 on: August 11, 2017, 12:20:03 PM »
What a big shame Orbito, I do wish you all the best if you do end up going back.
I must say in the last year I would say we have switched from our usual 30-50% of buyers wanting to move here to around 80% of buyers intending on moving here. In the last 6 months we have had many clients move here full time for many many reasons. Up to now we have had only 1 person go back and that was after a few weeks!
I often find females take much longer to settle than males for many reasons but often family related (elderly relatives or grandchildren) but on the whole people seem to get over it.

I am sorry to hear you have had no local support Orbito because this is the thing we have had in abundance and many of our clients love the area so much because of the people and their neighbours. It is very un-Italian IMO to be cold towards other people, I feel very sorry that you have ended up in this type of situation. With regards to ignorant officials I have learned over the many years of being here to be hard and forceful when you speak to them, even sometimes being a little arrogant can help, once respect is gained it is usually pretty straight forward. I think that local comunes and utility companies get a great deal of hassle from people and their first thought is to put up a blank faced brick wall to anyone who contacts them !

Picking up on your point (Orbito) about social services, you will find that it does exist here but once again language may not make you feel comfortable with it all. I think anyone changing their life and moving to another country on their own is very brave and I personally would like to wish you all the very best.
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