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Author Topic: Returners  (Read 1541 times)

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Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #15 on: August 08, 2017, 01:05:55 PM »
Thanks for your comments and suggestions, all.

I've lived on my own (by choice) for years and am pretty self sufficient - so I'm not lonely. I have a lot of expat friends here, and I go out visiting or for lunches/dinners quite a few times a week. It's also great having time to read and chill out - as housework doesn't really feature highly on my list of To Do's :).

But I miss things like the theatre and cultural events that I went to all the time in London - and pubs, I miss pubs! The bars here are still traditional enough that the men in them frown on a woman going in on her own, and I find they can be quite intimidating. I've also tried to see if there was any interest in various book/film/card clubs, but didn't get very far.

And I know this is utterly ridiculous but I miss going into a supermarket and getting whatever I want, regardless of time of year  ::).

I guess I had a (perhaps unrealistic) expectation of making Italian friends locally; and I honestly didn't clock just how patriarchal a society it is. Many of my expat friends have had much more welcoming experiences where they live than I have, but they are all couples, and we feel it comes down to single women being viewed as a threat. In fact, a woman I knew in London, who had lived in France for a few years, warned me that this might be the case, as it was for her - but of course I didn't listen  :-\. I've even asked my friend's Italian husband to spread the word in his bar that I don't want anyone's hubbies, and that I just want to make friends locally, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference. I'm sure I'd be having a much better time if I lived in a bigger place, or had closer neighbours.

I'm having trouble with the extreme weather, and I'm also worried about getting older here and not having family/neighbour support if I fall ill - because there ain't no such thing as Social Services.

Anyhoo, I won't rush into a decision right now. There are times when I love it here - but those just aren't as often as I would like.

« Last Edit: August 08, 2017, 01:13:59 PM by Orbito »


Offline Cassius

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Re: Returners
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2017, 05:58:24 PM »
A lot of what Orbito says rings true to our circumstances too.  We had a commune that were NOT friendly or helpful.  We found that we were stared at - even after living here for a couple of years - not friendly stares either - we were just a bit too different for most of them.

Boredom - well that certainly was a big factor and like Orbito we came from London.  I missed the ballet and the opera so much and I agree - pubs - especially as in England it is no big deal for a woman to go for a drink alone.  I also miss department stores - just wandering around from floor to floor browsing and looking.

Orbito - good luck in the future whatever you do.


Offline Rustychain

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Re: Returners
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2017, 06:43:39 PM »
I don't quite get it; 2 of our posters have said how much they miss the ballet & the opera because of living in Abruzzo... they do do those things in Italy you know! ;D

OK, so it might be a bit more of an effort than hopping on the Tube if you've come from London, but make an event of it; go to Rome / Milan / Verona for a night or two & get your fix that way. If these things are important in your life, just make a bit of an effort.

Or am I missing something?
In Abruzzo since March 2013

Offline herbfinder

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Re: Returners
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2017, 07:05:19 PM »
Just to let you know, Chieti has a great theatre called Marrucino where my wife and I saw a great version of Tosca last year. They do a season each year with 3 operas and also ballet and more modern music. Its a super night out which compares very well with a visit to any theatre in London, and we should know we come from London.

Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2017, 08:17:12 PM »
Thanks Cassius - and to all others who have pm'd me and wished me well. This isn't a decision I'm taking lightly but as someone said earlier, if it's not working, it's not working. Onwards and upwards.

Or am I missing something?

Appreciate your comments Rusty and Herbfinder - yes of course there are cultural events around the place here - in fact I went to a very enjoyable performance of Madama Butterfly here in Castel Frentano two nights ago. Perhaps it would help if my comment was seen, not in isolation, but more feeding into a bigger picture as just one of many things that I miss.

The other clincher is that I'm running short of dosh (unplanned issues beyond my control, some of which have come to a head today and require a quicker move back than I'd anticipated) - so it's time to go back and find a job. Oh joy.

I've never had a 'holiday' like it, it has been amazing living here in many respects. I've learned many things about Abruzzese life and about myself, and I will look back on the experience with much fondness.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 08:22:29 PM by Orbito »

Offline levissima

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Re: Returners
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2017, 08:44:53 PM »
whatever happens, I hope you'll keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

No experience is ever wasted and spending time living in another country will, no doubt, equip you with lots of useful skills for a future employer. 😉 Good luck

Offline Cassius

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Re: Returners
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2017, 09:53:04 PM »
I don't quite get it; 2 of our posters have said how much they miss the ballet & the opera because of living in Abruzzo... they do do those things in Italy you know! ;D

OK, so it might be a bit more of an effort than hopping on the Tube if you've come from London, but make an event of it; go to Rome / Milan / Verona for a night or two & get your fix that way. If these things are important in your life, just make a bit of an effort.

Or am I missing something?

Well - as Orbital said - only one thing of many - but if you are in London you can go to the ROH for about 10 if you book ahead - whereas a trip to Rome/Milan/Verona is just that - a big trip.  I was going to ROH once a fortnight or so. 

Offline Vignaverde

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Re: Returners
« Reply #22 on: August 11, 2017, 12:20:03 PM »
What a big shame Orbito, I do wish you all the best if you do end up going back.
I must say in the last year I would say we have switched from our usual 30-50% of buyers wanting to move here to around 80% of buyers intending on moving here. In the last 6 months we have had many clients move here full time for many many reasons. Up to now we have had only 1 person go back and that was after a few weeks!
I often find females take much longer to settle than males for many reasons but often family related (elderly relatives or grandchildren) but on the whole people seem to get over it.

I am sorry to hear you have had no local support Orbito because this is the thing we have had in abundance and many of our clients love the area so much because of the people and their neighbours. It is very un-Italian IMO to be cold towards other people, I feel very sorry that you have ended up in this type of situation. With regards to ignorant officials I have learned over the many years of being here to be hard and forceful when you speak to them, even sometimes being a little arrogant can help, once respect is gained it is usually pretty straight forward. I think that local comunes and utility companies get a great deal of hassle from people and their first thought is to put up a blank faced brick wall to anyone who contacts them !

Picking up on your point (Orbito) about social services, you will find that it does exist here but once again language may not make you feel comfortable with it all. I think anyone changing their life and moving to another country on their own is very brave and I personally would like to wish you all the very best.
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Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #23 on: October 24, 2017, 08:08:16 PM »
Hello all, a quick update. I arrived back in London yesterday after a rather exhausting four day road trip back with two screaming cats, following Superman and his van with all my worldly goods in it - the stuff that dreams are made of :D.

My tenants moved out of my flat last week so I was able to move straight back in - and the best news of all, I got my old PR job back at the wonderful food redistribution charity FareShare, which is just around the corner, so no awful commute across London yaye :). I've been offered some furniture off Freecycle, and plan to catch up with mates until I start work next week.

It's lovely being back, TBH - although i had to laugh, went to Lidl for a grocery shop today and guess what? It's Italian Week :D.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2017, 08:15:10 PM by Orbito »

Offline GeordieBorn

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Re: Returners
« Reply #24 on: October 24, 2017, 09:13:21 PM »
Love the puch line! That was so funny! But seriously, it's great to hear you have arrived safely and already all is looking good - you just need the snow now ::)

Offline Cassius

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Re: Returners
« Reply #25 on: October 24, 2017, 09:35:09 PM »
Orbito

Enjoy London - if it's in your blood then it's in your blood!  Well done for getting your job back - such a good cause.  I'm up in December - maybe I'll look you up.

All the best

Offline Vignaverde

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Re: Returners
« Reply #26 on: October 25, 2017, 09:04:49 AM »
Good luck Orbito, excellent to hear that you pretty much picked up where you left off. At least you will never think 'what if'.
Estate agents in Abruzzo www.vignaverde.com
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Offline levissima

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Re: Returners
« Reply #27 on: October 25, 2017, 09:22:05 AM »
All best wishes for your new adventure, it all sounds really positive. Fantastic news about your job, I bet there pleased to have you back🙂

Offline Orbito

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Re: Returners
« Reply #28 on: October 25, 2017, 11:55:09 AM »
Thanks all!

Cassius - please do get in touch if you're in London!

VV - Yes I agree completely. no "what if's" for me :). I'm so glad I tried it out, but am equally glad to be home. No sign of snow yet, we even have a little weak sunshine at the moment haha.

Levi - I was very lucky with the timing, my old job was advertised as maternity cover just three weeks ago, well after all the plans to come back were in place. I'm so happy to be back there, they are a great bunch of people, and the chances are the woman may not come back after her maternity leave.

Settling back in OK, had my first English fish and chips in two years yesterday (lush!), and last night provided shelter for three young Abruzzo friends who were going to the Metallica concert at the O2 Arena. Now to do some unpacking! Luckily I had a mahoosive clearout before i left, so it's not too frightening - and I've found mugs and tea, so the day is starting off well :).

« Last Edit: October 25, 2017, 11:57:16 AM by Orbito »

Offline Lola

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Re: Returners
« Reply #29 on: October 30, 2017, 04:13:49 PM »
I wish you the best of luck in your 'new' home. I've been back 14 months now and moved into a small bungalow three weeks ago. I've been so busy with the sale & purchase process I went thru' that the time has just flown by. Things are gradually falling into place and I will probably start thinking of 'finding' a replacement for my sweet 'Giorgi' who I lost just three months after arriving back. I have a lovely back garden where I will bury her ashes when I'm ready. I still have a property for sale in Francaviilla, it's been 18 months now and no sign of any interest but I live in hope! Good Luck.
Never make eye contact with weirdos.